Reviewing

I've been trying to write a new post for around a week now yet every time I come to sit down and do it, I have no ideas, or I'm too busy. 

Recently I have had a lot to plan and work around and more to come. A lot of which are going to be quite stressful and I am not quite sure I want to begin to think about sorting it out. I've found that I've turned into a massive stress head who needs to get everything sorted straight away or as quickly as possible which is not exactly ideal.

However, I had an interview on Friday which went rather well and I am now just waiting to hear back from it. It was really nice to feel so confident again, it has been a very long time since I have felt that way in a variety of situations and going somewhere completely different, meeting completely new people didn't leave me stressed out and panicky which felt like a massive release. It was great. I'm really holding out hope that my attitude towards life can stay this way as it has been one hell of a relief. It definitely is not easy, and I am no way near 'better' but it's a step in the right direction and that is all that matters. I've even been able to speak to a lot of people on the phone which I was never able to do before, making appointments all by myself. I no longer run away from my phone or have my heart stop when it rings, which is great.

I do still struggle with my depression though, the tablets are helping but I am still finding myself becoming extremely upset in the silliest of circumstances. I find myself feeling very low over little things, such as not having a job or not being able to afford things for my friends or my mum. It's not nice but I'm learning to cope. My support network is really quite a blessing and I am very lucky to have them. Like I said before, talking to someone is the first step to allowing yourself to progress. 

Sometimes it may feel like you need to get out, start fresh and change whatever it is that is making you feel this way, and that's okay. Tell someone about this and if they agree something needs to change, work towards changing it. I have spent a lot of time recently trying to provide myself with a fresh start, to allow myself to feel free once more, so that I do not have to look over my shoulder or feel anxious in certain places and situations.

I would tell anyone to take time once in a while and write stuff down, evaluate things and come up with solutions to any issues you are facing. Sometimes it really does make a whole lot of difference to see it written out in front of you or explained to you from someone else's perspective. My grandma told me just last week, sometimes it's important to take a step back and look at yourself as if you were someone else; see the situation in a different light.

These past couple of weeks have taught me a lot.

I'm hoping to have a brainstorm of blog ideas soon but I keep finding myself too busy to do so, so I am trying, promise!!

Hopefully a better blog next week,

Lots of love,
Lottie xxx